Being A Low-Energy Person In A Fast-Paced World

(Get Me Out Of Here)

As I’m trying to mend the broken pieces of myself together, I still have a hunger, better yet a yearning, for the energy that other people possess.

I can’t tell if I was built this way (as in, if I just by default have low-energy) or if it’s because of my mental health issues but either way- I’m gonna admit something:

I’m a greedy person, y’all.

And I’m not afraid to admit it (anymore).

I know I’m breathing but I want to feel ALIVE!

I want a piece of that pie that people have in their lives.

I want it and I want it bad! But I’m also afraid of having it at the same time- because I’ve never really know what it takes or how to handle having it.

The last job I had was the best job I ever had and I only worked 9 hours a week but even then, those 9 hours (along with going to school) was too hard for me. So I stopped working after a month.

It was genuinely really depressing to tell my boss that I couldn’t do it anymore. She had so much faith in me that she gave me the job right away and wanted me to work on important documents for her-which I did and I really enjoyed being helpful!

The struggle didn’t exactly end there though. I still struggle. I struggle to wake up and wash my face and make coffee. I struggle cooking and washing dishes. I struggle when I socialize for long periods of time. Yes, I eventually get it done but even small tasks take a lot of my energy and it feels like I’ll never have a piece of that fast-paced life that other people have.

I want to cry when my family comes from home after a hard day’s work but I hold back. My parents have always been able to feed and clothe me and give me a warm home to live in and I appreciate everything they do for me but I want to be able to give them everything they give me. I want to be able to support them and I wish I was working instead of them.

My mom tells me “If you can take care of your mental health, that’s enough. That’s what you should focus on. You help us out the most that way” and because she’s a very wise woman, I will obey but my heart is torn up inside knowing that living in such a fast-paced world as a low-energy person is incredibly difficult to sit with.

I have been feeling more confident since I recognized I don’t have to please anyone.

Yet, I still struggle to please myself.

I’m trying to stop comparing myself to others and unlearn unhealthy ways of thinking but I recognize it’s gonna take me time and a lot of hard work.

Either way, I will continue moving forward… because that’s what I do/attempt to do.

But I’ll continue examining where I’m headed, how I can live a life I feel proud of, and how I can make the most out of this moment- despite the circumstances.