Babe, you ok?

You’ve barely touched your untapped potential

Dude, I am like, reaaaally struggling today. I feel moody, grouchy, angry, sad… you name it. And I keep reminiscing and missing the days when I was a kid and telling myself, “It’s ok. I’ll figure it out eventually”. Well, guess what? I sincerely haven’t… yet.

It’s not like one of these days I’m gonna just magically “feel good” and keep feeling good forever. I don’t expect that. But I recognize life is going to be difficult for me for the next few months… or years. How do I know that? Lemme tell ya!

For who knows how long, I have been experiencing untreated Borderline Personality Disorder (aka BPD). The recommended therapy for people with Borderline Personality Disorder is DBT (aka Dialectal Behavior Therapy). And I barely just started my therapies with my DBT therapist.

It’s actually kinda really daunting to think of all the work I’m gonna have to put in in order to treat the BPD correctly! Last week I was given sheets to read about DBT and also a worksheet to list what behaviors I want to decrease and what skills I want to increase. Here’s what I wrote:

Behaviors to decrease:

1. Experiencing suicidal ideation to the point of having to go inpatient.
2. Talking to strangers online when I feel overwhelmed with loneliness caused by depression (and also, talking to strangers online brings me a lot of anxiety and stress).
3. Overthinking about the past or future (rather than being in the here and now).
4. Going into fantasy like spaces in my mind that are not reality based and that could potentially lead me to making unwise decisions.

Skills to increase:

1. Handle being able to be more responsible (do chores and/or cook) without having a meltdown and/or giving up.
2. Be able to concentrate for longer periods of time (example: reading) because right now, I immediately give up when I lose interest.
3. Make healthier/wiser choices (in all areas of my life) and feel good about my decisions.

I will be sharing my goals with my therapist tomorrow. And I’m also gonna start attending DBT Group therapy and that’s exciting ‘cause I’m assuming that will be a safe space to practice what I’m learning.

Am I nervous? YEAH! Am I gonna give up? NO.

I’m pretty sure at one point or another, people have to weight the pros and cons of staying the same way vs changing (…or at least I hope so!!!!!)

I’ve weighed the pros of staying the same and I came up with: Zip! Nada! Nothing.

The pros of changing though are that I could improve my quality of life and ability to manage my emotions in a stable way! SIGN ME UP for that! Am I right?!

So, although I am incredibly moody, angry, sad, frustrated, overwhelmed right now…

I will figure it all out like I thought I would.