Remembering People Who Are No Longer In My Life

Art by @kiracyan.design

Sometimes… I can’t help but remember people who are no longer in my life.

Even if the encounter with that person was short.

So, today I wanted to vent about the people I still remember.

(But I’m going to change their names because of privacy)

…

I’ll start with a little boy I met in pre-kindergarten.

I don’t remember his name but he had disabilities.

He couldn’t walk and had trouble doing things.

I saw he needed help, so I’d help him in every activity we had.

The teachers thought it was “so cute”… but I didn’t do it to be cute.

Even though I was little, I thought:

”This little boy can’t do things without his parents and they’re not here, so I will help him with anything I can”.

I never saw that little boy after that year but I think about him every now and then and hope he’s doing well.

…

Another person I remember is my high school bus driver.

Let’s call him Jacob.

Jacob would always appreciate me.

I would walk up into his bus every time with a huge smile and a “good morning” and leave his bus with a “Good afternoon” and a “Thank you!”

He was so sweet and I could tell he loved his job.

I even got a card from him saying thank you and he gave me a small book about Mother Teresa.

When I finished high school, out of everyone I had met during those years, I knew I would miss him the most.

I wish with all my heart that he’s okay… he was a much older man so I’m not exactly sure if he’s still alive… but I hope wherever he is that he continues to be the happy man I was lucky enough to meet.

….

Another person in High school that I remember is a lunch lady I had during my lunch period.

She never smiled.

And I always did smile to her so every lunch period I would smile and say thank you.

And one day (many months after smiling at her), she smiled back and that warmed my heart.

She must have warmed up to me and every time I would see her, she would smile to me.

I understand that she didn’t have to smile at me… I just wanted her to know she was appreciated.

….

I also remember a teacher I had in high school.

Let’s call her Ms. O.

Ms. O was very very sweet.

I could easily tell she was happy to be a teacher.

And being a teacher is not easy… but she made it look easy.

When I became ill and got Toxic Shock Syndrome in 2013, she asked everyone in the class to write me a letter.

I cherish the care she gave us all and never forgot what she wrote in her letter. She wrote:

“Dear Nancy, won’t you come out to play?

Dear Nancy, greet the brand new day…

The sun is up, the sky is blue,

It’s beautiful and so are you”

She knew I loved The Beatles so that touched my heart for her to do for me.

Wherever she is, I hope she’s doing well.

I appreciate her very much.

…

Unfortunately, not all the people I remember are “nice” and/or “humane”.

I also remember a man who groomed me.

Let’s call him by the name he told me was his name: Leo

When I was around 15 years-old, I went to a beautiful 50th wedding anniversary party and they had a cool band that played a ton of oldies.

I loved to dance back then, so I asked my dad to dance with me, which he gladly did.

We danced and danced and then when the party was over- me being more extroverted than now, I went up to the band and said they played really well.

I noticed that the guitarist had the same guitar that John Lennon would play and I commented that it was so pretty and that I loved The Beatles.

He let me hold it and pose for a picture with it, which was exciting at the time.

That night Leo also told us that he was an Elvis impersonator.

I thought: “Wow! That’s so cool!”

Well, that night, Leo found me on Facebook and sent me a friend request.

Me, being naive at the time, accepted it and we talked at night via messenger and he told me he wanted to come over to my house and play the guitar for me.

I told him yes and somehow, my poor parents being just as naive as me, thought it was okay and good to let a 57 year-old man talk to me.

Well, when I was in the coma, Leo found out… he came over to the hospital when I was awake from being in the coma and he played the guitar for me.

My mom, who had stayed there the entire time to watch me, had to go to the bathroom.

When she went to the bathroom, Leo kissed me by force and it was disgusting.

I felt so betrayed.

And worst of all, I didn’t know how to tell anyone what had happened.

So I didn’t… for many years.

But after that, I stopped seeing Leo, thankfully.

For many years I couldn’t listen to Elvis and to songs we both liked.

But thankfully, time healed a lot of that, so I don’t feel as traumatized now.

I hope he’s not well honestly.

And by that I mean, I hope he’s got caught for being a pedophile/pervert.

…

Anywho, another person I remember is someone I met in a really sketchy and messed up time in my life.

He wanted to know if I was interested in a relationship, which I wasn’t at the time because I had a crush on someone who lived in New York at the time.

Well, we were intimate and afterwards he started to cry.

He told me he had been abused as a child.

I hugged him and tried to comfort him.

Then he drove me home and blocked me.

I think about him because everything he did was probably a greedy girl’s “dream”.

He had a very nice car, a nice apartment, a good job, cats, and wanted to be in a relationship.

But that didn’t appeal to me at that time. Not even close.

So I don’t blame him for blocking me.

But I do hope he’s okay and doing well despite the hardships he went through.

…

Another person I remember is also a guy I met in a sketchy and messed up time in my life.

He was also sweet, handsome, and above all, very charismatic.

We were intimate twice but by the second time, I had caught feelings.

Instead of asking him if he wanted a relationship, I told him that I couldn’t see him anymore because I had begun to have a crush on him.

We said our goodbyes and I thought that would be the last time I’d hear from him.

But then two years after saying our goodbyes, I got a text from an unknown number.

The text said: Is this ____?”

And I said: “Yes, who is this?”

He then told me who he was and where we had met.

Instead of text him any further, I showed Matt, the “boyfriend” I thought was mine at the time.

He immediately told me to block him.

And so I did.

That’s the last time I talked to him.

And I sometimes wonder what he wanted to tell me.

But now we’ll never know because I ended up changing my phone number in 2022.

…

Another person I remember is Sara.

She was the only girlfriend I ever had.

We were very different though.

She was a bad ass and I was not (lol).

She liked knives and being extremely impulsive, which I wasn’t.

Eventually, she didn’t want to date me because she felt I was much too sweet and caring.

So we left each other.

But I found out she had been kicked out of her home.

Her parents didn’t care about her anymore because she was born a boy and wanted to transition to a girl.

So, when I had some money, I sent her $50 dollars via Venmo and I hoped she was okay wherever she was…

I hope she’s okay wherever she is now.

….

Last, but not least, I remember a good friend I made in 2024.

He was charming, sweet, very good-looking, smart, and I was attracted to his traits- very much so.

Here’s the thing though…

He was in an open relationship with his wife and I was falling for him- knowing that he wasn’t going to leave her…

So, I tried my best not to think about him in a romantic way but it was very hard.

Then I decided I needed to find someone who would love me completely.

Someone who was wanting a relationship.

And that’s when I found my true love.

I told my true love that I still talked to the guy I met in 2024.

He told me it was okay as long as we were not romantic with each other.

Which we weren’t at that time.

But after getting engaged, I realized I needed to start a new chapter in my life with the love of my life.

So, I told my friend that I had to go.

And it kind of really hurt but he said something along the lines of:

“You don’t have to say anything else” and that was that.

But I do remember him.

When I listen to one of my favorite bands, I remember him because we both were extremely passionate about The Beatles and music in general.

I remember him when I don’t expect to as well.

And it does bother me a little because I want to only think about my life now.

But, I can’t help it.

That’s where my thoughts take me…

And I know I missed telling you about many other people but that’s a story for another time.

Thank you for reading if you read everything I’ve said! ❤