Things I want to accomplish

(Eventually and somehow)

I was recently remembering that I started a bucket list in August 2016 while inpatient for the very first time. I even encouraged other patients to do the same. Unfortunately, I don’t have that list with me anymore but I still remember the magical way it felt to be young and excited.

So here’s what my list would look like now (and they’re not in any particular order).

1. Lose weight in a healthy way and feel confident in my body so I can wear the clothes I want to wear instead of the clothes that fit me right now.
2. Be a healthy role model for others and make a positive impact in people’s lives.
3. Go dancing with my besties to a club where they play bangers and by bangers I mean songs like: “Gypsy Woman (She’s Homeless) by Crystal Waters and also “Blue Monday” by New Order.
4. Handle being triggered in a safe and healthier way (in a way that makes me feel good about my choices and decisions).
5. Make progress in therapy (even if it takes years).
6. Be more carefree but still aware.
7. Have a patio and a porch one day (I would settle for either one but I want to dream big).
8. Be wealthy enough one day to hire someone to cook and clean for me (Since right now I struggle with cooking and cleaning).
9. Have enough money one day to not worry about transportation so much.
10. Have a photo shoot dressed in iconic Blondie outfits.
11. Find a loving partner and get married (this one has always been a big dream of mine).
12. Take singing lessons.
13. Upload every song I love into my iPod (Because I have no clue how to do that at the moment).
14. Be able to watch any episode of The Office whenever I want to (BECAUSE RIGHT NOW THEY HAVE IT ON PEACOCK BUT I NEED TO PAY!? As if).
15. Wear an outfit so cute and so cool that people stop me to ask where I got it (lol).
16. Watch Breaking Bad again with my future boyfriend (if he even exists) for the 9th time.
17. Go years and years without needing to go inpatient (I’ll settle for years but honestly, if I never went again that would be AMAZING).
18. Earn my associates degree (Yeah!) and if I am doing well financially and emotionally, also earn my bachelors degree (YEAH).
19. Enjoy being perceived (‘Cause right now, I feel uncomfortable being perceived).
20. Never smoke cannabis again (I’m on the right track now by staying sober).
21. Own more lipsticks… like almost every shade even.
22. Go to The Fest for Beatles with someone who loves The Beatles just as much as I do and have all the fun.
23. Kiss under the rain.
24. Have an emo and/or goth phase.
25. Make my parents proud by becoming more independent.
26. Understand spirituality and/or religion in a way that feels safe and healthy.
27. Go to a Paul McCartney concert again (it will be my third time!)
28. Be able to concentrate when I read for long periods of time (I seem to lose focus and/or lose interest- which sucks because I used to read every day for years as a child).
29. Get better at playing the harmonica (for example: learn how to play single notes well).
30. Find a physical activity/sport that is enjoyable to do daily.
31. Become excellent at communicating my needs and wants in an effective and clear way.
32. Make the best cheese pizza possible.
33. Dance again like no one is watching (because I haven’t exactly let loose in yearssssss).
34. Have curtains in my current bedroom (random but yeah, that would be nice).
35. Be able to pay for dinner for my family whenever I want to.
36. Embrace change, failure, and setbacks as a part of life and look at the bigger picture instead.
37. Play “Michael Jackson: The Experience” on the Wii again with my brother and cousin.
38. Meditate for 15 minutes a day.
39. Have a pet bird again or a dog and be able to take care of them.
40. Grow my collection of kid plates, cups, and vintage toys.
41. Be financially stable.
42. See my brother and sister grow up in a way that makes them feel good about themselves.
43. Feel so much peace and weightlessness (and it not be mania) that I forget how complicated life has been in the past.
44. Enjoy wearing summer clothing.
45. Eat a caramel apple every fall.
46. Make Christmas more memorable/enjoyable/meaningful for my family.
47. Lose touch with unhealthy coping skills and toxic environments.
48. Always be available to help my family.
49. Go to a show/concert and have so much fun that people think I’m not sober (but I will be tehehehehe or probably not. I don’t see what’s wrong with a few drinks in me).
50. Heal.